Spooky

Last Ramadhan, I went for the Weight with Fortune machine at Alpha Angle, Wangsa Maju. At that time, I was more concern about my weight rather than my 'fortune'. I got the slip with my weight on it which I will never reveal the numbers here, and at the back of it was my fortune. It written " Love of justice and truth; you will defend the weak against oppression and tyranny". At that time I just laught it off and just put in inside my coin purse.

Yesterday, while searching for small change to pay for my lunch. I found this piece of paper and suddenly it hit me. Those words suddenly fit me so well. Last week, I had a 'friendly' email war with my boss, and it got carried away until the big boss found about this. You see, we(me and my colleagues)had a hard time with our boss(we shall after this call this particular individual LM). LM came to our office almost a year ago, at first we gave LM our benefit of the doubt, but as time goes by, LM really irritate us and clearly LM was not the right person to be our manager. LM do not care about us, never once LM came down to see us and ask us how is things with us. LM even let us work alone for 8 hours without a break for 2 days in a row. We could not take it anymore.

So, last week, I wrote LM an email and cc the big boss(BB). BB was so concerned and called for a meeting. LM was not happy, and in the meeting BB put LM in a spot and LM has to help us covering the counter when we are short of staff. After that, whatever happen at our department, BB will ask LM about it and LM have to know and have to come out will solution(mostly stupid solution but heh at least LM has to do it.) From that day onwards also BB watches LM like a hawk, every step that LM takes, BB wants to know. Make LM hates me more and I become the voice of my colleagues. Like the fortune teller predicts " I am the love of justice and I hate it when people play tyrant on us".

How spooky is that? I know as a muslim we cannot believe in all that but still....(Twllight Zone music as a background!!!)

Showing off time

Like I said in my previous entry that I like showing off all my kids. So this is the showing off time where I will put all their pictures for you all my faithful readers to see how bergaya are my kids.(future supremodels tu!!)

Action & Reaction....

I wrote my last entry to voice out my feeling towards my current situation regarding my darling Adriana. Little that I know by doing that I have hurt or cause a reaction amongst my faithhful readers(ceh..macam ramai yang baca!!)

Being a normal human being, sometimes I feel sad looking at Adriana, there were times that I cried just by looking at her. She was so perfect to me and yet she was not to the rest of the world. I'm worried about her future and either she can survive in this world or not. Knowing that in this world today, people are looking for perfection and those who are not have no place in this world.

For my friends out there that have kid(s), you are entitled to show them off, that is your right as a parents. Believe me I know, I have 2 other kids that I love showing them off. It's just that being a sensitive person that I am, sometimes I feel that the world is against me and I feel like this is a sign for me that I failed as a mother, again I know that this is not the case but like I said being a normal human being, sometimes this is how I feel. However, I'm not proud of this feeling, when a very adorable kids do somethings that are cute I wanted to be happy-most of the I was happy, only certian times that I feel miserable when this happens. Especially when the parents are being so insensitive about Adriana's condition, ada yang siap tanya "Adriana tak boleh cakap lagi ke?" Nie yang nak kena "daboosh" nie.

Generally I love kids, I adore kids either their are mine or somebody elses, and I'm proud of their achievements, so for my friends that have kid(s) please feel free to show off your kids, I would love to see that, what I feel inside is only my reaction at that time. It does not reflect how I feel generally. Don't lah after this, do not want me to see you kids anymore, I love to see them and I love hugging them especially A*n*l that have a very nice body to hug.

Every little things

Last night while brushing Adriana's teeth, I noticed that she pulled her tongue out, this is a rare occasion and it got me thinking all the little things that she did not do as a baby. As a baby, she doesn't like doing the babbling thing, you know with her mouth, she did not pulled her tongue out like most baby do. She did not blew resbarries when she was a baby. All the things that baby supposed and love to do. At that time, I thought all of them are normal, little that I knew that all of that are important to the growth of my baby. All of these activities are important excercise for her motor skills, which then lead to her speaking ability.

How can I missed the important things in her life? Maybe because I'm being a very typical mother, not extra-ordinary mother. I assume that everything is fine with Adriana, and people keep telling me that each baby develop in their own time, so no need to worry. Sometimes I wish that I was a worrier, then I will be able to do more even when the doctor told me not to worry, she will be fine. I will insisted on them checking her, poking her but then agian do I really want her to went thur all that? I cried when she was in ICU and when the doctors did all the test to her. I tried very hard not to cry when she went thru her MRI, but I bled in my heart seeing her went thru that. She is my angel, and she is special and I accept that but sometimes I wish that I can do more for her. I wish that I can protect her all the times.

It hurts when other kids who are younger than her can do more, it's hurt when the proud parents kinnda of showing off their kids' talents and I have to being a great sport and participate in that while my angel who is 21/2 years cannot even point out her body parts let alone call me Mama. It hurts so bad, and that make me missed all the little things that she supposed to be able to do, like salam you, hi-5 you, waving goodbye, stucking put her tongue at you, blew resberries at you, all those things.

But she is a survivor and her determination was strong. Lately she teach herself how to get down from the stairs standing up as opposite of crawl down the stairs. As she managed to do that, and we are all so proud of her. She is my angle and I love her so much.