Why???

Things are not going well in my life lately or in our life for that matter. Just when things are doing OK, another bad things happened to us. This is like a cycle in our life right now. And to tell the thruth, I'm sick of this situation...I really do. I do not know how long can I be in this situation without going crazy over it.

I know people would say be patient, there is a rainbow at the end of the road and blah..blah...blahh but how long is this road and how difficult it will be?? I need to know, I really do. I cannot do this anymore, just going to the road and face this obsticles and the hard work and believe me I have been to this road for the past 4 years and until now I still yet to find the rainbow!!!! Where is the d**m rainbow???

Sometimes I feel like this is payback time from Allah for all the sins that I committed before, is this so? And if this is so, isn't that enough already?? I'm good people, I try to be a good daughter to my parents, I visit them everyday(well the fact that my kids are with them does not count), I try to be a good mother, I spend time with my kids, I cook for them(not always but heh, I did), I sleep with them, I do anything for them. And of course I try to be a good wife but still I feel like this is all not enough. Why is my life end up like this?? Why no good things are happening to me?? WHY?WHY?

This is the question that I try to ask and I get no reply. None whatsoever. Try asking my husband and he keeps telling me be patients,try asking myself but I cannot find the answer. I'm sick of crying at night thinking about my life, I'm sick of having no money at the end of the month to buy things that I like just for the sake of having it. I'm tired of the fact that I HAVE to work and not that I WANT to work, I really do, and I'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.

And at this very moment this is how I feel

Hey God, I'm just a little man got a wife and family
But I almost lost the house, Yeah I bought into the dream
We're barely holding on when I'm in way too deep
We're two paychecks away from living out on the streets

She's a workin' single mom, like a Saint she don't complain
She never says a word, but she thinks that she's to blame
Her son just got convicted, he blew some punk away
She did her best to raise him, but the world got in the way

Hey God - Tell me what the hell is going on
Seems like all the good shit's gone
It keeps on getting harder hanging on
Hey God, there's nights you know I want to scream
These days you're even harder to believe
I know how busy you must be, but Hey God....
Do you ever think about me

Born into ghetto in 1991, just a happy child
Playing beneath the summer sun
A vacant lots' his playground, by 12 he's got a gun
The odds are bet against him, junior don't make 21

Hey God - Tell me what the hell is going on
Seems like all the good shit's gone
It keeps on getting harder hanging on
Hey God, there's nights you know I want to scream
These days you're even harder to believe
I know how busy you must be, but Hey God....
Do you ever think about me

I'd get down on my knees, I'm going to try this thing your way
Seen a dying man too proud to beg spit on his own grave
Was he too gone to save?
Did you even know his name?
Are you the one to blame, I got something to say

Hey God - Tell me what the hell is going on
Seems like all the good shit's gone
It keeps on getting harder hanging on
Hey God, there's nights you know I want to scream
These days you're even harder to believe
I know how busy you must be, but Hey God....
Do you ever think about me

I really do feel like that.......................